Saturday, February 26, 2005

Friday Night Blues

As usual, I was left home alone last night while my mistress went out on the town straight from work. I'd had a nerve-shattering day listening to the alcoholic upstairs thumping and careening around his apartment, and by 7pm I decided it was definitely time for a drink.

I got down the top-shelf gin, and rinsed out the espresso cup in the sink. While I was scrummaging around for some nibblies I found a pack of Lucky Strikes. Yippee! I thought. I'm gonna get me wasted tonight.

And wasted I got. I pulled out some old Bowie albums and cranked up the stereo. I drank, and played air guitar like there was no tomorrow. This is what my neighbour must feel like all the time, I said to myself, grinding and thrusting my hips in time to Diamond Dogs.

Things progressed from the kitchen to the lounge room. This is where my memory starts to get a bit blurry:

Towards the end it wasn't so fun. My head was spinning, I was thirsty, and for some reason I desperately wanted to eat a kebab. I made do with some leftover tuna casserole in the fridge, which in retrospect probably wasn't the smartest thing to do.

This is what my mistress came home to. Fortunately she was almost as pissed as me, so she didn't get angry about the kitchen floor. She didn't get angry about the melted chocolate smeared over her cushions either. She simply picked me up and started blubbering about how sorry she was and how much she loved me. When I finally came to, I started blubbering too. Me too, me too, I was trying to say, but the dried vomit had caked my mouth shut.

She put me to bed with an aspirin and a vitamin B, and this morning I am a sore-headed and penitent little puppy.


Blogger Natsthename said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

2:47 PM  
Blogger Natsthename said...

Good thing you had the remedies. Hey, there's always the "hair of the dog." Gin n tonic for breakfast??

2:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love Bowie!!! Diamond Dogs is an appropriate choice. What is your favorite Bowie Album?


5:51 PM  
Anonymous hachiko said...

Asking someone to name favourite Bowie album is akin to asking them how many grains of sand there are in the universe. The answer- after much head-messing philosophy and unnecessary consideration of irrelevant minutiae- is inevitably: 'I don't know'. The only thing I could possibly say in response is that Ziggy Stardust is my top choice for karaoke.

5:14 PM  

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